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    Lump

    Sunday, March 28, 2010

    There's been a lump in my throat for over 24 hours.

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    Today it's been a little smaller, but yesterday was hard. In fact, I'm pretty sure it was the worst "goodbye" day yet.

    I wondered over this fact: why it hurt so much more to watch my husband leave yesterday morning. The first time he left, it was difficult because it was the first time-it would require alot of adjustment. The second time it wasn't as bad since we'd see him in less than a month. When he left on New Years Day we began our two and a half month countdown until he returned, and while there was an ever present ache with his absence, it still didn't feel as bad as it did yesterday.

    It was simply awful. There wasn't an hour that passed where I didn't nearly burst into tears. I would walk into rooms and remember what our family had been doing only hours or days before. There is such a difference in the feel of our home without husband in it.

    There was also a sudden lack of "Shannon clutter". That's what I call his various wires for his computers, iPhone, Blackberry, his loose change from Tokyo. Socks and shoes randomly scattered around the house, various receipts and leftover boxes and bags. Empty shampoo bottles and a shirt that he left behind. That's what I call these random, though very endearing articles that are now missing from our home. "Shannon clutter".

    It's his mess, and I miss it.

    Most of all I miss him. His voice, his deep laugh, the faces he makes when we tease him, his hugs and kisses. I miss it all.

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    We all do.

    By yesterday evening, I felt somewhat more composed. To avoid letting these feelings overwhelm me, the children and I kept very busy during the day. But last night I settled into a very quiet home.

    There was no television noise, no extra lamps on or the clicking of laptop keys as husband worked. The lump came back with a vengeance, but it wasn't quite as overwhelming. It had eased. A little.

    Curling up with the shirt husband left behind may have helped.

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    I wondered...Perhaps it hurts so much this time because it will be the final time we're apart? The anticipation of June has been increasing steadily, and now that we're in that final stretch, we just want it to be here. No more separations.

    Does that even make sense?

    Today the weather is cold and overcast, and the children and I are taking it easy.

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    We're slowing down.

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    If you can't tell from the various pictures, we've been doing it all morning.

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    The wee one is in his favorite pajamas, and eldest completely broke form by wearing a pink nightdress with cats.

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    We're holding fast to one another since the first week of husband leaving is always the hardest. But it will be allright. We're not being given much time to dwell since Thursday marks day one of Spring Break.

    And we'll be leaving for a very big trip of our own.

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    More on that soon. For now, if you'll keep us in your thoughts and prayers-especially this week-I'd appreciate it.

    Enjoy your Sunday, all.

    2 Responses to “
    Lump

    Elizabeth said...

    hang in there!

    Southern Aspirations said...

    Ditto- you're in the final stretch! But my heart hurts for you!